Alas, I missed last week's quiz, so I have no idea what happened or who won. If you were there, then you're probably wondering what everyone else is wondering: what exactly do the Indian Road Café Pub Quiz quizmasters do on a Wednesday night if they're not at the quiz? If so, then read on for an unique and exciting opportunity.

BEGIN ANNOUNCEMENT...

With the recent incarceration of Lindsay Lohan, our very own Evil Mr. Phil has found himself without a date to his office holiday party. To remedy the situation we shamefully announce our first ever Why Should I Be Picked to Go with The Evil Mr. Phil to His Office's Holiday Party Essay Contest! To enter the contest you should write an essay titled "Why Should I Be Picked to Go with The Evil Mr. Phil to His Office's Holiday Party" that answers the question, "why should I be picked to go with The Evil Mr. Phil to his office's holiday party?" Also include any other relevant information in the essay that might help with the selection process such as knowledge of current pop music dance moves, favorite drink, facial hair preferences, how much you love public access television, or why are you validating this ridiculous contest by entering it.* The holiday party is Wednesday the 19th, it's formal, it's at a New York City landmark, and it's got an open bar. Submissions should be emailed to IndianRoadCafePubQuiz@gmail.com, and remember to keep it classy.

All entries will be taken seriously, and your submission counts as a promise to go along with this should you be selected. If you are not willing or not able to go to a formal party with The Evil Mr. Phil on the 19th, please do not enter the contest. You may still write essays about The Evil Mr. Phil, but maybe just hang onto them for a future contest.** All entries will be read and judged by a committee of The Evil Mr. Phil's peers. The Evil Mr. Phil will have no part in the judging nor selection of the contest winner. That makes it all less creepy right? The Evil Mr. Phil doesn't even know what the judging criteria will be. I don't think it really matters, because judging criteria implies rational thought which isn't something you're using if you enter this contest. Email your essay by December 10th for full consideration. Judging will occur on the 11th and a winner will be announced at the December 12th pub quiz.

Other rules from Other Jordan
- Judging will be done blindly, with entrants names covered up, essays being placed on the floor, and waiting to see which one is eaten first by Optimus Prime.
- Everyone keeps the rights to their own work, but we reserve the right to anonymously publish any essays we really enjoy. If the author wishes to be named, that's her/his choice.

* - Some other questions that might be worth addressing in your essay: Are you a serial killer? Have you given any thought to becoming a serial killer? Do you have a criminal record yet? Does the NYPD have your fingerprints on file?
** - New Years isn't far off.

...END ANNOUNCEMENT

This is not a joke. I'm absolutely serious. I understand that this might be one of the worst ideas I've ever had, but surely it won't haunt me as long as deciding to cohost some trivia nights at a local bar.

Please forward this around to all your friends, coworkers, or relatives. Except, don't bother sending this to your mom, she already saw it. In fact, we already have her essay. It's pretty good.